How to determine if you are being cheated on : Look out for these signs

This generation inherited infidelity from our forefathers. We have now glamorized being the side piece and we pity the main course who is living under false assumptions. I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to a wise man. He told me that in order to discover whether you are being cheated on,take the following steps :

1.Go to sleep early ,then wake up at midnight to check if your partner is sleeping next to you or sneaking phone calls to another lover.

2. If you live together, purposely forget your keys at home,that way,your partner has to open the door for you. You can catch them off guard at this juncture.

3. Drop by their residence (if you do not live together ) unexpectedly,and carry a token of love for them,such as flowers or a meal. Ask to go inside the house and have a refreshment.Observe the surroundings carefully. 

4. Pay attention to changes in their daily routine,such as prolonged time spent at the gym or unexpected trips to the grocery that turn into a 2 hour road trip. 

5.Keep your nose open to new fragrances or body odors.Everyone has a distinct smell and when persons are romantically involved,their odors combine and may change. 

6. Changes in sexual desires or requests . Your partner may be trying to be more adventurous or simply chasing a sexual dragon on a quest for pleasure. A new lover may have exposed them to different intimate positions and they may want to try it with you.

7. Use of new slangs,or terms-we emulate the same speech patterns as those we constantly interact with,so your partner may be repeating new words that they heard from their lover. 

This may seem like a fishing expedition,but it is worth the effort to determine if your time is being wasted. The biggest step after discovering that your partner is in fact cheating,is to be willing to walk away. Indeed,you will miss your lover, but then ask yourself what exactly do you miss about them. Do an audit of the time that you two spent together. Did you give more than you received? Were you the only one inconvenienced by your meeting times or were they mutually convenient ? The end goal is to find out if you were being used. Then you have to remember your worth and walk away. If you choose to stay with your lover after you learn that they are cheating on you,then you are solely responsible for any future unhappiness. The cheating spouse may seek to exercise control over you psychologically. They may be under the impression that you cannot function without them and they will continue to hurt you.

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Remember your training, follow the protocol then be emotional for a brief moment

Training has a major impact on our minds . A young man who was trained in the army will never be the same again. A student who receives training at Law School will analyze everything. Apart from preparing us for a career,training will impact the way that we interact with others. I saw the new Kingsman movie with my best friend and after Eggsy’s home was destroyed he became flustered. Merlin appeared and warned him to “…Remember his training,follow the doomsday protocol ,and then be emotional for a brief moment”. There was so much wisdom in that statement. It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we are faced with difficult times. We can let our emotions rule us, and not ‘feel’ to go to work. Everyone can see that we are upset or sad and this is where emotional intelligence skills are displayed. In this age of ‘unsocial media’ we may post a status or a video that we may soon regret. We have to remember our training. After that,there should be certain steps to take in the event of disappointment. This may include ‘plan B’ or it may include leaving an abusive relationship and returning to your family home. For a fleeting moment,shed a tear. Express your frustrations in a private corner and leave them there. Do not nurse the wounds from a past lover, do not nurture the hate. To do otherwise, is to plant the seeds of bitterness and resentment. This makes life appear grim and unbearable. 

Get rid of toxic people : Say NO to Narcissists 

People underestimate the importance of their backs. If you are having back pains you will have grave difficulty functioning. Your central nervous system consists of your brain and your spinal cord. Your spinal cord runs along your back. Spine injuries may render the victim cripple. I was watching the second installment of Independence Day (2016) and the alien invader was destroyed by shooting her in the back. One of the men who was fighting to save the World advised his comrades to aim for the alien’s back because that was her weakness. I took a moment to process this and I recalled that the human back is also a vulnerable area. We always lament when persons known to us say negative about us “behind our backs “. We become bitter when they “stab us in the back”, wouldn’t it hurt more to aim for our hearts ? I think not,because a broken heart can mend. But a broken back, will never be whole again. In this era of user friendly people ,we have to guard our backs. We have to watch our own backs because a friend,is a known enemy. 

HOW to stop worrying, enjoy your brief existence in this realm

The good book of fairytales teaches us that his eyes are on the sparrow. Animals  do not work,yet they are sustained. I have never seen a bird begging bread. We make ourselves sick  with worry. We worry about worrying,then we escape our dreadful realities by consuming intoxicating substances. Unfortunately, we still have to deal with our realities when the smoke clears . A better approach is to face the problem directly . There is no need to worry after you deal with the source of your worry. The immortal Mr. Dale Carnegie warned that worrying destroys your ability to concentrate. Our ability to make good decisions may be impaired when we are consumed with worry.

Tips to stop worrying:

1.Analyse the situation.

Here you will ascertain whether the situation is beyond your control. If this is the case,you can try to gradually remove yourself from a situation that is dangerous to your health . On the other hand,if the problem is something than you can have control over , consider the worst case scenario.

2. Reconciliation and acceptance

Once you consider the worst case scenario, you are heading in the right direction. Think about the absolute worst thing that can arise from your situation, embrace it and accept it. This will put put a dent in your tendency to worry and be easily excitable. You will feel a peace in the depths of your once troubled soul. You will realise that there is an opportunity in your problem.

3. View the situation objectively .

Remember to withdraw your emotional investment in the situation. Carefully consider all angles , and think of all persons involved.

4.Determine whether you can improve on the worst case scenario.

Write 5 possible solutions to your problem. Take a walk , free your mind of the problem for at least 15 minutes, then return to solving your problem.

In essence,you will stop worrying, once you deal with your problem.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.Sydney is an attorney at law by profession in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT  Compliance, Taxation and provides Corporate Secretarial Services. Kindly explore the website for her portfolio of companies: http://asydneygroup.com .