The author is an attorney at law in Trinidad and Tobago and she specializes in Anti Money Laundering and the Financing of Terrorism . See the website http://asydneygroup.com and Instgram @asydneygrouptt WhatsApp 868 484-7778
This generation inherited infidelity from our forefathers. We have now glamorized being the side piece and we pity the main course who is living under false assumptions. I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to a wise man. He told me that in order to discover whether you are being cheated on,take the following steps :
1.Go to sleep early ,then wake up at midnight to check if your partner is sleeping next to you or sneaking phone calls to another lover.
2. If you live together, purposely forget your keys at home,that way,your partner has to open the door for you. You can catch them off guard at this juncture.
3. Drop by their residence (if you do not live together ) unexpectedly,and carry a token of love for them,such as flowers or a meal. Ask to go inside the house and have a refreshment.Observe the surroundings carefully.
4. Pay attention to changes in their daily routine,such as prolonged time spent at the gym or unexpected trips to the grocery that turn into a 2 hour road trip.
5.Keep your nose open to new fragrances or body odors.Everyone has a distinct smell and when persons are romantically involved,their odors combine and may change.
6. Changes in sexual desires or requests . Your partner may be trying to be more adventurous or simply chasing a sexual dragon on a quest for pleasure. A new lover may have exposed them to different intimate positions and they may want to try it with you.
7. Use of new slangs,or terms-we emulate the same speech patterns as those we constantly interact with,so your partner may be repeating new words that they heard from their lover.
This may seem like a fishing expedition,but it is worth the effort to determine if your time is being wasted. The biggest step after discovering that your partner is in fact cheating,is to be willing to walk away. Indeed,you will miss your lover, but then ask yourself what exactly do you miss about them. Do an audit of the time that you two spent together. Did you give more than you received? Were you the only one inconvenienced by your meeting times or were they mutually convenient ? The end goal is to find out if you were being used. Then you have to remember your worth and walk away. If you choose to stay with your lover after you learn that they are cheating on you,then you are solely responsible for any future unhappiness. The cheating spouse may seek to exercise control over you psychologically. They may be under the impression that you cannot function without them and they will continue to hurt you.
The race is not for the swift but for those who can endure. You cannot catch fish, if you do not lower the rod in the water. You can stay in the boat as long as you want, the fish will not jump into your plate. Now is the time to get up, get out and get something done in your life. Stop blaming others for the outcome of your decisions, this is your life. I am the proud guardian of 3 kittens. I have one special kitten, he has developed a system of getting my attention. The kitten has a great sense of time, he knows my bed time, he knows my departure time for work and he knows when I will return. If I leave the house and he did not anticipate that ,he sits on a pile of bricks to get a better vantage point to see my safe return. He sits outside my door on a blue mat that I bought for him. If he does not see me, he sits outside the window , where he can hear the sound of a television or music. He climbs on the rooftop to get my attention and purrs. He is always ready for the sound of the cracking of the door, when I am about to feed him. He always eats first because he is always ready for the opportunity to get my attention first. His brother and sister always eat his leftovers.
This kitten is brilliant. Instead of knocking on the door, he sleeps outside my door. He knows that I have to leave the house at some point. He makes himself comfortable on my step and he waits. How many times in life do we knock on a closed door? When we get no response, we walk away in frustration. This kitten has developed a clever system of getting what he wants. We must do the same, if we want a promotion at our job, we must actively learn what is required for the new position. Go and learn new courses, take up a new language, volunteer on the weekends to gain experience. Do not complain and take no action. If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend, become your own friend first. Discover yourself, question why you drink excessive alcohol, find out your triggers. Improve yourself, when the time is right and a partner approaches you, he or she will complement your life,not complete it. Patience is required to wait for the opportunity to arrive, but while you wait ,you will be busy. Brother Buju Banton said that “opportunity is a scarce commodity” so you have to be prepared when it comes. The universe rewards effort. All the time and sweat that you spend perfecting your craft will return onto you seven fold. As you grow and mature, you will network and someone may open that door that you have been knocking on and invite you inside. You may be asked to provide the password to enter, this password may be a certain skill, or a different language or a certificate that you never bothered to pursue.
This is your life, so make your bed outside the door that opens the way to the opportunity that you seek and improve yourself , while waiting for the door to open. If you become weary, sit by the window, climb on the rooftop, get the attention of the person who has to open the door for you.
Pursuing your dream is a full time job. You will get discouraged, and you will be disappointed. Sleep will be your enemy and you will always be preoccupied. There is no room in your life for toxic people. I sit and I observe everyone around me and I have gradually distanced myself from toxic people. I am no longer available to entertain your pity party or to inflate your ego. In this age of unsocial media, narcissism reveals its ugly head. Selfies flood my timelines and I observe patrons at parties recording themselves having a good time. I witnessed individuals trying to alter their reality to portray a different image of themselves online. Unsocial media has promoted narcissists and they are everywhere. There are situations where you cannot avoid contact with toxic people but if you can, please delete them from your life.
How to spot a toxic person:
1. They spread negativity-these people always see the bad in every situation and talk about it. They take the fun out of everything, and you should stay far away from them.
2. They criticize you and others-nothing ever reaches their high standards. They think so highly of themselves that everyone else is inferior to them.
3.They are jealous-they do not take delight in the success of others. They always assume that others became wealthy by ill-gotten gains.
4.Everything is always dramatic-these people are magnets for drama. They tell you about their problems and you become exhausted by trying to help. Shortly thereafter, they find themselves in another predicament. You cannot afford to fix people’s problems and then cry yourself to sleep. At some point,people have to solve their own problems.
5.They play the victim-sometimes they engineer an entire story and assume the role of the victim.
6.They are self-centred-they deny you the chance to speak, everything is always about them. They always cut across you and do not listen to your opinion.
Dear Amy Winehouse , happy birthday. Return If Possible (Whitney Houston and Selena Quintanilla-Perez). May these musical legends rest cozy in Mother Nature. I adore all of these performers. They opened themselves up to us and shared their emotions with the world.
I stumbled upon another documentary with Whitney Houston and she stated that it became increasingly difficult for her to go outdoors as her popularity increased. She indicated that she was bombarded by fans requesting autographs and or photos. She lamented that success did not change her but her growing fame restricted her ability to go out. In my respectful view, although she appeared cheerful in some of the footage (recorded while on tour) there seemed to be in sweet pain. In order to effectively perform her classics , she had to identify with heartache and loneliness, possibly experience it. It was revealed that she had low self esteem and this was reinforced in her tumultuous marriage. She spent days away from her infant daughter while on tour , she practiced with her band non stop and she was now a public figure. She found comfort in her vice, she started consuming then she was consumed. Fame is a hell of a drug.
Today is her birthday and I know she is smiling. In the darkness, she knew herself.She sang with soul and her beauty was raw. Her album “Back to Black” was the soundtrack of my life in 2008. Her performances were entertaining and she poured herself into her music. She loved love, but love hated her. She was peacefully bitter and the lyrics of her song reflected her tortured love life. Yet she continued singing, she indulged in love with her lover but that love turned into something painful to witness. Her success was accompanied by haunting fame that elevated her to a public figure. Her love use became the subject of articles and she was stalked by paparazzi. It was not the success that changed her, because she always suffered from an eating disorder, it was the love that fame brought. Love is a hell of a drug.
My dear Selena, there is none like unto thee. Your strong sense of fashion, your strong command of your vocal cords, and the way you moved your body makes this generation miss you. You lived , you loved and you infected everyone around you. You trusted those around you and your fame attracted psycopaths. These forces were responsible for your tragic demise because you trusted people . Trust is a hell of a drug.
Rest cozy ladies.
About the Author:
A.Sydney is an attorney at law in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT/FIU/Tax Compliance, and provides Corporate Secretarial Services to local and international giants in various industries. Feel free to explore the website for her portfolio of companies and add her on social media:
WhatsApp only 868 484-7778
I strongly advise against changing all your colours for someone that you just started dating.When they are gone ,you will lose yourself too. Present a challenge to them, let them earn your trust . Give it time. We have grown used to instantaneous messaging, and we have erroneously accepted this as communication. We no longer get to know our partners , we ‘talk’ for a minute, then we take the relationship to the next level. We render ourselves irrevocably vulnerable. In the event that we are dating a sociopath, this person may lose interest after feasting on your tender flesh. You cannot undo the deed at this point,what’s done is done.
There was a loud scream that disrupted the still of the night. My mother ran to the kitchen for table salt to chase a frog that was relaxing on the walkway. Her racing heart vibrated in her chest and she was gasping for breath. Naturally, I peeped to see the commotion. She attempted to sprinkle some white, table salt on the frog, she missed. And the frog and I laughed. Then my mother emptied the entire contents of the jar of salt on the ground. The frog hopped away, rolling his big eyes at her. My mother was relieved that she nevertheless chased the frog away. The frog on the other hand, was irritated at the inconvenience. My mother then informed me that we were out of salt. Although I was displeased at the wastage , I had to lecture my mother about another life lesson.
I told her that we should distribute our salt in direct proportion to the sugar that we receive. We ought not to give all of our salt to the first person that we meet. Most times that person is just bored and is looking for entertainment ,this is the equivalent to saying that “nothing serious” is desired. Do not inconvenience yourself for any temporary person. Treat your salt with the value that it deserves. Your salt should not be dashed upon every attractive person that you see. Give them one grain of your precious salt and see how they react. See if this person respects you as a human being and not as a salt machine. Wait to see if they are sweet to you, this is what I mean by offering you sugar. Observe how they address the gas station attendants, pay attention to the tone used when they address waitresses as restaurants. Notice their actions, compare these to their words and ensure that there is consistency. I appreciate the fact that it is your salt and you can distribute it as you please. I am just cautioning you that after you waste all of your salt on someone who hops out of your life, you will have no taste.