Misery Loves Company, Know when to Excuse Yourself from the Company of Others

You will eventually learn to decline invitations to pity parties. Sometimes I listen to the plight of my colleagues. I actively listen and do not offer advice unless requested. My suggestions are oftentimes met with additional problems that results in a vicious cycle. I now excuse myself from toxic situations. We are all going through family issues, emotional issues and drama at our workplace. After a day at work, it is overwhelming to deal with the problems of friends. They do not seem to realize that it is further taxing on your already exhausted emotions. I have found that it helps to disconnect. You can remain available for one hour to communicate with others via social media, then take off your phone and recharge your emotions.

You will be of no use to yourself if you are spent all the time. Your performance at work may decline and you may even lose weight. Safe guard your emotions from vampires. They will drain you of your energy. Worst part is in your time of need, they are nowhere to be found. you have to know when to say good night and go home.

 

The author is an attorney at law in Trinidad. She specialises in Anti Money Laundering. See the website : http://asydneygroup.com .

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How to determine if you are being cheated on : Look out for these signs

This generation inherited infidelity from our forefathers. We have now glamorized being the side piece and we pity the main course who is living under false assumptions. I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to a wise man. He told me that in order to discover whether you are being cheated on,take the following steps :

1.Go to sleep early ,then wake up at midnight to check if your partner is sleeping next to you or sneaking phone calls to another lover.

2. If you live together, purposely forget your keys at home,that way,your partner has to open the door for you. You can catch them off guard at this juncture.

3. Drop by their residence (if you do not live together ) unexpectedly,and carry a token of love for them,such as flowers or a meal. Ask to go inside the house and have a refreshment.Observe the surroundings carefully. 

4. Pay attention to changes in their daily routine,such as prolonged time spent at the gym or unexpected trips to the grocery that turn into a 2 hour road trip. 

5.Keep your nose open to new fragrances or body odors.Everyone has a distinct smell and when persons are romantically involved,their odors combine and may change. 

6. Changes in sexual desires or requests . Your partner may be trying to be more adventurous or simply chasing a sexual dragon on a quest for pleasure. A new lover may have exposed them to different intimate positions and they may want to try it with you.

7. Use of new slangs,or terms-we emulate the same speech patterns as those we constantly interact with,so your partner may be repeating new words that they heard from their lover. 

This may seem like a fishing expedition,but it is worth the effort to determine if your time is being wasted. The biggest step after discovering that your partner is in fact cheating,is to be willing to walk away. Indeed,you will miss your lover, but then ask yourself what exactly do you miss about them. Do an audit of the time that you two spent together. Did you give more than you received? Were you the only one inconvenienced by your meeting times or were they mutually convenient ? The end goal is to find out if you were being used. Then you have to remember your worth and walk away. If you choose to stay with your lover after you learn that they are cheating on you,then you are solely responsible for any future unhappiness. The cheating spouse may seek to exercise control over you psychologically. They may be under the impression that you cannot function without them and they will continue to hurt you.

Get rid of toxic people : Say NO to Narcissists 

Pursuing your dream is a full time job. You will get discouraged, and you will be disappointed. Sleep will be your enemy and you will always be preoccupied. There is no room in your life for toxic people. I sit and I observe everyone around me and I have gradually distanced myself from toxic people. I am no longer available to entertain your pity party or to inflate your ego. In this age of unsocial media, narcissism reveals its ugly head. Selfies flood my timelines and I observe patrons at parties recording themselves having a good time. I witnessed individuals trying to alter their reality to portray a different image of themselves online. Unsocial media has promoted narcissists and they are everywhere. There are situations where you cannot avoid contact with toxic people but if you can, please delete them from your life.

 How to spot a toxic person:

1. They spread negativity-these people always see the bad in every situation and talk about it. They take the fun out of everything, and you should stay far away from them. 

2. They criticize you and others-nothing ever reaches their high standards. They think so highly of themselves that everyone else is inferior to them.

3.They are jealous-they do not take delight in the success of others. They always assume that others became wealthy by ill-gotten gains. 

4.Everything is always dramatic-these people are magnets for drama. They tell you about their problems and you become exhausted by trying to help. Shortly thereafter, they find themselves in another predicament. You cannot afford to fix people’s problems and then cry yourself to sleep. At some point,people have to solve their own problems. 

5.They play the victim-sometimes they engineer an entire story and assume the role of the victim. 

6.They are self-centred-they deny you the chance to speak, everything is always about them. They always cut across you and do not listen to your opinion. 

Free yourself.

Don’t throw all of ¬†your salt at the first frog you see,not all frogs are princes in disguise.

I strongly advise against changing all your colours  for someone that you just started dating.When they are gone ,you will lose yourself too. Present a challenge to them, let them earn your trust . Give it time. We have grown used to instantaneous messaging, and we have erroneously accepted this as communication. We no longer get  to know our partners , we ‘talk’ for a minute, then we take the relationship to the next  level. We render ourselves irrevocably vulnerable. In the event that we are dating a sociopath, this person may lose interest after feasting on your tender flesh. You cannot undo the deed at this point,what’s done is done. 

There was a loud scream that disrupted the still of the night. My mother ran to the kitchen for  table salt to chase a frog that was relaxing on the walkway. Her racing heart vibrated in her chest and she was gasping for breath. Naturally, I peeped to see the commotion. She attempted to sprinkle some white, table salt on the frog, she missed. And the frog and I laughed. Then my mother emptied the entire contents of the jar of salt on the ground. The frog hopped away, rolling his big eyes at her. My mother was relieved that she nevertheless chased the frog away. The frog on the other hand, was irritated at the inconvenience. My mother then informed me that we were out of salt. Although I was displeased at the wastage , I had to lecture my mother about another life lesson. 

I told her that we should distribute our salt in direct proportion to the sugar that we receive. We ought not to give all of  our salt to the first person that we meet. Most times that person is just bored and is looking for entertainment ,this is the equivalent to saying thatnothing seriousis desired. Do not inconvenience yourself for any temporary person. Treat your salt with the value that it deserves. Your salt should not be dashed upon every attractive person that you see. Give them one grain of your precious salt and see how they react. See if this person respects you as a human being and not as a salt machine. Wait to see if they are sweet to you, this is what I mean by offering you sugar. Observe how they address the gas station attendants, pay attention to the tone used when they address waitresses as restaurants. Notice their actions, compare these to their words and ensure that there is consistency. I appreciate the fact that it is your salt and you can distribute it as you please. I am just cautioning you that after you waste all of your salt on someone who hops out of your life, you will have no taste.