Happiness happens when you find yourself

Have you lost your individuality by confirming to the New Age ? Are you a mindless dummy walking around on your phone 24/7 ? It is easy to fit in, just follow the crowd. Are you happy ? It is pleasing to look at the little things and be grateful. The birds in the sky laugh at us,as we rush to get to our meaningless jobs ,then we rush to return home,enduring hours of traffic,each day. What kind of life is that ? I observe the people as they pass by, long faces , no joy and a general lack of zest for living . At the end of the month,after the rent is paid,the bills are covered,the bank account loses more weight. We then wait for the next salary to repeat the process. Be brave,be strong. Now is the time for innovation,follow your passion. Sometimes when you follow your dreams,you are heart broken,then you wake up and the dream is over. But if you follow your passion and listen to your heart ,if you are disappointed,you will try again. Don’t lose yourself in the crowd . Walk in the opposite direction. Make up your mind to go on a journey of self discovery. Explore yourself ,find out exactly just how likeable you are. When you find yourself,there will be a peace within you. You will be happy,when you are happy with yourself. You must be content with the person that you became. It is a hopeless quest to find happiness in someone else.

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How to determine if you are being cheated on : Look out for these signs

This generation inherited infidelity from our forefathers. We have now glamorized being the side piece and we pity the main course who is living under false assumptions. I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to a wise man. He told me that in order to discover whether you are being cheated on,take the following steps :

1.Go to sleep early ,then wake up at midnight to check if your partner is sleeping next to you or sneaking phone calls to another lover.

2. If you live together, purposely forget your keys at home,that way,your partner has to open the door for you. You can catch them off guard at this juncture.

3. Drop by their residence (if you do not live together ) unexpectedly,and carry a token of love for them,such as flowers or a meal. Ask to go inside the house and have a refreshment.Observe the surroundings carefully. 

4. Pay attention to changes in their daily routine,such as prolonged time spent at the gym or unexpected trips to the grocery that turn into a 2 hour road trip. 

5.Keep your nose open to new fragrances or body odors.Everyone has a distinct smell and when persons are romantically involved,their odors combine and may change. 

6. Changes in sexual desires or requests . Your partner may be trying to be more adventurous or simply chasing a sexual dragon on a quest for pleasure. A new lover may have exposed them to different intimate positions and they may want to try it with you.

7. Use of new slangs,or terms-we emulate the same speech patterns as those we constantly interact with,so your partner may be repeating new words that they heard from their lover. 

This may seem like a fishing expedition,but it is worth the effort to determine if your time is being wasted. The biggest step after discovering that your partner is in fact cheating,is to be willing to walk away. Indeed,you will miss your lover, but then ask yourself what exactly do you miss about them. Do an audit of the time that you two spent together. Did you give more than you received? Were you the only one inconvenienced by your meeting times or were they mutually convenient ? The end goal is to find out if you were being used. Then you have to remember your worth and walk away. If you choose to stay with your lover after you learn that they are cheating on you,then you are solely responsible for any future unhappiness. The cheating spouse may seek to exercise control over you psychologically. They may be under the impression that you cannot function without them and they will continue to hurt you.

Not everyone can run a Bar : Special skills are required for certain types of businesses

How much of human life is lost in waiting? Do not wait until the timing is perfect. Proceed with your plans . Time waits on no one . Plan and execute. You have to state your intentions to the world and put it out in the universe. It will come back to you. The elements will line themselves up. Everything will fall into place. Start today,baby steps .Do not wait until the time is right. Do not wait for conditions to be favourable,just proceed and they will follow your lead. You have to guide the way ,you will become weary in waiting . Plan ,execute and repeat . Write your plans down for your records and tell your friends about it to remain accountable . Press on.

Why do people stab you in the back ? Why do they talk behind your back ?

People underestimate the importance of their backs. If you are having back pains you will have grave difficulty functioning. Your central nervous system consists of your brain and your spinal cord. Your spinal cord runs along your back. Spine injuries may render the victim cripple. I was watching the second installment of Independence Day (2016) and the alien invader was destroyed by shooting her in the back. One of the men who was fighting to save the World advised his comrades to aim for the alien’s back because that was her weakness. I took a moment to process this and I recalled that the human back is also a vulnerable area. We always lament when persons known to us say negative about us “behind our backs “. We become bitter when they “stab us in the back”, wouldn’t it hurt more to aim for our hearts ? I think not,because a broken heart can mend. But a broken back, will never be whole again. In this era of user friendly people ,we have to guard our backs. We have to watch our own backs because a friend,is a known enemy. 

Knock, Knock, knocking on Opportunity’s door…the importance of actively pursuing your dreams

The race is not for the swift but for those who can endure. You cannot catch fish, if you do not lower the rod in the water. You can stay in the boat as long as you want, the fish will not jump into your plate. Now is the time to get up, get out and get something done in your life. Stop blaming others for the outcome of your decisions, this is your life. I am the proud guardian of 3 kittens. I have one special kitten, he has developed a system of getting my attention. The kitten has a great sense of time, he knows my bed time, he knows my departure time for work and he knows when I will return. If I leave the house and he did not anticipate that ,he sits on a pile of bricks to get a better vantage point to see my safe return. He sits outside my door on a blue mat that I bought for him. If he does not see me, he sits outside the window , where he can hear the sound of a television or music. He climbs on the rooftop to get my attention and purrs. He is always ready for the sound of the cracking of the door, when I am about to feed him. He always eats first because he is always ready for the opportunity to get my attention first. His brother and sister always eat his leftovers.

This kitten is brilliant. Instead of knocking on the door, he sleeps outside my door. He knows that I have to leave the house at some point. He makes himself comfortable on my step and he waits. How many times in life do we knock on a closed door? When we get no response, we walk away in frustration. This kitten has developed a clever system of getting what he wants. We must do the same, if we want a promotion at our job, we must actively learn what is required for the new position. Go and learn new courses, take up a new language, volunteer on the weekends to gain experience. Do not complain and take no action. If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend, become your own friend first. Discover yourself, question why you drink excessive alcohol, find out your triggers. Improve yourself, when the time is right and a partner approaches you, he or she will complement your life,not complete it.  Patience is required to wait for the opportunity to arrive, but while you wait ,you will be busy. Brother Buju Banton said that “opportunity is a scarce commodity” so you have to be prepared when it comes. The universe rewards effort. All the time and sweat that you spend perfecting your craft will return onto you seven fold. As you grow and mature, you will network and someone may open that door that you have been knocking on and invite you inside. You may be asked to provide the password to enter, this password may be a certain skill, or a different language or a certificate that you never bothered to pursue.

This is your life, so make  your bed outside the door that opens the way to the opportunity that you seek and improve yourself , while waiting for the door to open. If you become weary, sit by the window, climb on the rooftop, get the attention of the person who has to open the door for you.

Get rid of toxic people : Say NO to Narcissists 

People underestimate the importance of their backs. If you are having back pains you will have grave difficulty functioning. Your central nervous system consists of your brain and your spinal cord. Your spinal cord runs along your back. Spine injuries may render the victim cripple. I was watching the second installment of Independence Day (2016) and the alien invader was destroyed by shooting her in the back. One of the men who was fighting to save the World advised his comrades to aim for the alien’s back because that was her weakness. I took a moment to process this and I recalled that the human back is also a vulnerable area. We always lament when persons known to us say negative about us “behind our backs “. We become bitter when they “stab us in the back”, wouldn’t it hurt more to aim for our hearts ? I think not,because a broken heart can mend. But a broken back, will never be whole again. In this era of user friendly people ,we have to guard our backs. We have to watch our own backs because a friend,is a known enemy. 

TREAT EVERYONE WITH RESPECT

I love doubles. For my international readers, “doubles” is a common street food in Trinidad and Tobago. It consists of  two baras (flat fried bread) filled with curry channa (curried chick peas). Extra condiments can be added for taste as well as sauces. My favourite doubles vendor sells in Curepe and I visit weekly to indulge in the delicacy. I enjoy eating the doubles standing and I usually make conversation wit the other people eating. I was devouring my third doubles and I could not get enough. I noticed a man who appeared to be homeless approaching the doubles vendor. He wore trousers without a shirt and he had no shoes. He said “Jared…Jared”, the doubles vendor who was collecting cash said “Yes. Mr Williams”. At this time I was considering buying another doubles, then Jared told the homeless man to stand to the right with the other customers who were eating doubles standing and he will be served. The homeless man complied and received his doubles. He stood there and ate his doubles, he watched me and I watched him. I was quietly impressed with the turn of events. I am used to seeing food vendors chase away homeless persons from their establishments. This time, the doubles vendors were indifferent to the financial standing of the homeless man.

Imagine a world where we respected everyone regardless of their race, sexuality or political affiliations. Imagine a world where we treated homeless persons with dignity and  kindly refused when they asked us for money. Instead we curse them and advise them to get jobs when they ask for donations. The doubles vendors displayed great professionalism in referring to the homeless man by his name, and then serving him in the same line as everyone else. There was no unequal treatment, no discrimination and I am sure the homeless man was able to hold on to his dignity.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.Sydney is an attorney at law based in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT/Tax Compliance, and provides Corporate Secretarial Services. Feel free to explore the website for her portfolio of companies: http://asydneygroup.com .

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Don’t throw all of  your salt at the first frog you see,not all frogs are princes in disguise.

I strongly advise against changing all your colours  for someone that you just started dating.When they are gone ,you will lose yourself too. Present a challenge to them, let them earn your trust . Give it time. We have grown used to instantaneous messaging, and we have erroneously accepted this as communication. We no longer get  to know our partners , we ‘talk’ for a minute, then we take the relationship to the next  level. We render ourselves irrevocably vulnerable. In the event that we are dating a sociopath, this person may lose interest after feasting on your tender flesh. You cannot undo the deed at this point,what’s done is done. 

There was a loud scream that disrupted the still of the night. My mother ran to the kitchen for  table salt to chase a frog that was relaxing on the walkway. Her racing heart vibrated in her chest and she was gasping for breath. Naturally, I peeped to see the commotion. She attempted to sprinkle some white, table salt on the frog, she missed. And the frog and I laughed. Then my mother emptied the entire contents of the jar of salt on the ground. The frog hopped away, rolling his big eyes at her. My mother was relieved that she nevertheless chased the frog away. The frog on the other hand, was irritated at the inconvenience. My mother then informed me that we were out of salt. Although I was displeased at the wastage , I had to lecture my mother about another life lesson. 

I told her that we should distribute our salt in direct proportion to the sugar that we receive. We ought not to give all of  our salt to the first person that we meet. Most times that person is just bored and is looking for entertainment ,this is the equivalent to saying thatnothing seriousis desired. Do not inconvenience yourself for any temporary person. Treat your salt with the value that it deserves. Your salt should not be dashed upon every attractive person that you see. Give them one grain of your precious salt and see how they react. See if this person respects you as a human being and not as a salt machine. Wait to see if they are sweet to you, this is what I mean by offering you sugar. Observe how they address the gas station attendants, pay attention to the tone used when they address waitresses as restaurants. Notice their actions, compare these to their words and ensure that there is consistency. I appreciate the fact that it is your salt and you can distribute it as you please. I am just cautioning you that after you waste all of your salt on someone who hops out of your life, you will have no taste.

The author is an attorney at law based in Trinidad. she specialises in Corporate law, Anti Money Laundering and Fraud Risk Management.

See her website http://asydneygroup.com