The dangers of searching for a partner to  complete you : The “charger” syndrome.

Your smartphone is useless without your charger. The purpose of the charger is to rejuvenate the battery with power in order for the smartphone to continue to function. How many of us are searching for a partner who breathes life into us? I have coined the term “charger syndrome” to capture the dilemma where a person feels incomplete/non functional without their partner. It is my respectful view that a partner is meant to enhance us and to complement us.

It is dangerous when we search for partners to complete us. The implications here is that you have not embraced being single. Single means that you are one, you are already complete. You have to be odd to be number one. If you are searching for a partner to complete you, then you are telling your subconscious mind ,that you are incomplete. It is a blessing to be single. You can find yourself. You can use this time to take additional courses, learn new languages, start going to the gym or start that business that you always wanted to start. These are things that may be difficult to pursue when you are in a committed relationship.

The dangers of looking for a partner to complete you:

1. You erroneously assume that you are broken/incomplete.

2. Narcissistic Sociopaths will use you, drain you emotionally and leave you picking up the broken pieces of your shattered heart.

3.You give power to your potential partner who will disrespect you, with the expectation that they will be forgiven, because you think that you need them.

4. You will lose your independence by needing someone to complete you. Everything that they do or fail to do will affect you.

5. You will underestimate your self worth and you will accept less than you deserve when you expect someone to complete you.

6. You will not be treated as an equal in the relationship because you will be deemed as needy.

This does not represent an exhaustive list of the dangers of expecting a partner to complete you. A better approach is to wait for a partner who complements you to find his/her way to you. That way , you will not need them , like a smartphone needs a charger to function. The partner who complements you, can be likened to a smartphone case. They will support you and enhance you ability to perform safely. This is applicable if your are single or married. Find yourself first. Complete yourself. Love yourself. Do not give anyone the power to feel that you NEED them to COMPLETE you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.Sydney is an attorney at law by profession in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT/FIU  Compliance, Taxation and provides Corporate Secretarial Services. Kindly explore the website for her portfolio of companies: http://asydneygroup.com .

 

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Five lessons I learned from saving 8 lives yesterday.

The lives of our women matter. I observed one black kitten out of five kittens in my neighbour’s yard. She was a always watching the other kittens play and I wondered if she knew her melanin was popping. I woke up on Saturday morning,vaguely remembering hearing the barking of dogs and a faint cry. I was later told that two stray dogs attacked the black kitten on Friday night. My mother told me that she chased the dogs and saw the kitten resting motionless in the ravine. She lamented that the kitten was dead, I told her that it was unsafe to even be a black female kitten. I left home and returned two hours later to learn that the kitten moved. The dogs dragged the kitten from my neighbour’s yard to the ravine the night before . Thankfully at this time of year, there is not much water in the ravine. I left my house and went on the banks of the ravine to see whether the black kitten was alive.She opened her weary eyes and stared at me and offered a faint purr. I fetched almond milk and offered it to her to see if she could move to drink it.She moved slowly, respectfully refused my milk and turned in the opposite direction , I observed that her left leg was broken,bleeding and infested with flies.I went to get a box in order to remove her from the ravine. Through my window I saw this black, female kitten pick herself up and drag her broken foot ,make one step,then rested. She traversed among the rocks and grass in the ravine. I was able to measure the distance from the bowl of milk that I placed and where she was now positioned. I grabbed a box and returned to the scene,I jumped into ravine,dirty water penetrated my sneakers but I was within reach of the kitten. At the same time ,one of the kids next door saw where I was and my mother explained that I was trying to rescue the kitten.He got a pair of gloves and jumped in the ravine with me.He remarked that life was leaving the kitten’s eyes.The black, female kitten was trying to hide behind a leaf ,she was scared of us. The kid gently picked up the black,female kitten and he placed her by the hole in my neighbour’s fence. The kitten could not pass by the hole ,because of her inability to  move her broken leg. She started crying, the kitten’s mother and siblings were watching the kid and I at this point. The black female kitten ,while crying ,kept trying to fit through the fence. She used another space in the fence and dragged herself to her family. The kid and I contacted the neighbour to look after the kitten’s  broken leg.

The five lessons I learned from saving 8 lives;

1. When we are hurt/abused by others we are suspicious of everyone albeit no harm is intended.

2. Sometimes we must pretend that we are lifeless in dead situations and wait for morning to come. It appeared the black kitten pretended that she was dead, in order for the dogs to stop attacking her. In the morning, there will be hope as every new day has new possibilities.

3. It is permissible to accept a helping hand. Life is difficult when we try to move mountains on our own. The kitten eventually gave in to our offer to help her and she was reunited with her family.

4. We must turn our pain into power. The kitten was crying but she kept trying to fit through the fence to be with her family. In life ,oftentimes we cry and cry 1000 tears. There comes a time when you must stop crying. The elders say that joy comes in the morning. I have always believed that joy comes after sorrow.

5. Never give up. As black women in a man’s world we must not tolerate abuse in any form. We are queens and our very presence is charity enough for our male counterparts.We ought to put up a unified front to condemn violence against women and girls.

Your life matters young queens. You are the authors of creation, and you deserve to be respected and loved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.Sydney is an attorney at law by profession in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT/FIU  Compliance, Taxation and provides Corporate Secretarial Services. Kindly explore the website for her portfolio of companies: http://asydneygroup.com .

 

The Cure for the Disease of Poverty: Multiple Streams of Income

 

You have to declare that you will never be poor another day in your life. Believe that you are destined for greatness and your subconscious mind will accept this and oblige. Unless you decide to break free, poverty will pass from generation to generation. It has been likened to a disease that consumes the victim. Poverty has a smell, it is depressing. I reiterate from a previous post, that another failure of the education system is the lack of courses on financial literacy. We, the youth, do not understand mortgages, taxes, or the laws of money. We are not taught how to rise out of poverty and to accomplish what others dream about.

There are different definitions of poverty according to the Sociologists. For the purpose of this post, poverty refers to the inability to be financially free. By this, I mean you are barely making ends meet, you do not have any savings or investments, and you do not have any assets. You have dreams and aspirations but you cannot finance them and you are mad at the world. Conquering poverty requires hard work and dedication. The results are not apparent in the immediate future. Others may see you struggling to come out of poverty and dissuade you from even trying. I beg you, ignore them, misery and by extension poverty likes company.

If you subscribe to fairy tales, and books about imaginary, magical, mystical characters, then you will see wisdom from Solomon when he wrote the book of Ecclesiastes in the latter part of his life. In the Book of Ecclesiastes Chapter 11 verses 1- 2, Solomon advised: “Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. Divide your portion to seven, or to even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth”. Here, we see our superhero, the wise King Solomon giving us financial advice that is applicable in the economic situation that is plaguing Trinidad and Tobago.In verse 1, he seemed to be suggesting that we should toil in our youth, so that we can reap the rewards when we get older. Solomon admonished on verse 2 that we have at least seven (7) or eight (8) side hustles because we did not know what the future holds. It is not difficult to fathom why surviving on the income from one job is proving to be a Herculean task.

How to develop multiple streams of income

  1. Use your time wisely and discover our personal strengths and weaknesses.
  2. Monetize your hobbies and passions, if you are good at baking cakes, charge a small fee to make your cakes. Your true friends and supporters will patronize. Long gone are the days where we can incur costs and let others indulge freely. I dislike favours, I much prefer transactions.
  3. Get a job, full time or part time. A dollar is still a dollar. It matters not that others tease you because of where you work. I worked at a gas station full time for three (3) years while attending university. I mainly worked the night shifts (10 pm to 6 am) and all the weekend shifts and holidays. Those who laughed at me are now working at that gas station. You will learn valuable lessons about money, business, management and people when you are working for someone else. There are many university graduates who are unemployed with high expectations for a dream job. Life may disappoint you, my friend. You may have to accept a job and a salary that you believe to be incommensurate with your qualifications.
  4. Tutor– You can tutor students on a part time basis to earn extra income. There is a lot of competition, so you must be creative. I have been tutoring since 2009 and it is my favourite job.
  5. You can offer an editing/ proofreading service to students– this may be a good option if you also tutor CXC English.
  6. You can offer to cut the lawns in your neighborhood for a reasonable fee.
  7. You can wash cars– Be creative and offer an exclusive service to executives or taxi drivers or maxi taxis.
  8. Learn a trade– You can start your own business after you learn a trade such plumbing, electrical installation or tiling.

There are endless opportunities to make money in Trinidad and Tobago. Our brothers and sisters come from the surrounding islands, start companies in Trinidad and are buying properties. We live here, and foolishly criticize our brothers and sisters who work hard to provide a better life for their families. Please allow me to reference the employees who were sent home this year by both private and public organizations. Those who thought they had permanent jobs and are now unemployed, there is still hope. The trick is to have multiple sources of income. In the event that you lose your job, you already have another source of income, and now you have the time to develop more.

The successful people that I know are always diversifying their streams of income. They work as though it’s their first day on the job. They work for at least twelve hours (12) per day. They hardly decline an opportunity to make an extra dollar. They are likely to have more than one company, and they offer various services. Whereas the unsuccessful people that I know rely solely on their job for as a source income. They complain that they need to make more money, but they are taking no action to increase their value. They do not want to exit the comfort zone, they go home and watch television or use social media after working an eight hour shift. It has been said that what you do between 4 pm and 8 pm may determine your future. Those who work on their side hustles after 4 pm or study for their exams in this time period will most likely succeed. Thank you for permitting  me to belabour the point that by having multiple streams of income and by working diligently, you will never be poor another day in your life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.Sydney is an attorney at law by profession in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT/FIU  Compliance, Taxation and provides Corporate Secretarial Services. Kindly explore the website for her portfolio of companies: http://asydneygroup.com .

 

 

 

 

WHAT WOMEN NEED

Aren’t women amazing? We are independent, self-sufficient and resilient. You can kick us , and like a ball, we bounce back. We endure unimaginable circumstances and we put on our make up and we are ready to face the world again. Like a fly on a wall, I have been observing all the women around me. I have also been analysing my responses to external stimuli and I am of the view that there are two main things that women need.

Firstly, women need, not want AFFECTION. Make no mistake, I am not referring to expensive gifts when you say something insensitive or when you forget an important date! I am in fact talking about affirming your love for your woman. A random phone call during the day to gently remind her that her beauty far exceeds the setting of the sun will suffice. Send her an unexpected message that she is the north to your compass. Make an effort to let her know that you value her in your life. Be reminded that we live in time where there are a multitude of easily accessible options. The all  inviting “DM” is the genesis of many romantic conversations that eventually turn into the physical romancing. If you continue to be insensitive and assume that your woman knows that you are still attracted to her, you will soon have to slide into another “DM”.

I think women crave AFFECTION and not ATTENTION. If we are shown affection regularly, then there is no need for us to seek validation by posting pictures on social media and nervously awaiting likes. The most amazing women that I know do not have social media accounts. They are in what appears to be happy , fulfilling relationships with partners who are not afraid to show them affection. When a woman is not shown affection, she will succumb to a few kind words and her vulnerability will be preyed upon by fast talkers. It takes effort to show affection, but if she means a lot to you, you will go to the end of the earth to see her smile. If you do not see a future with her, then please let her go and stop wasting her time.

Showing affection is not expensive. You can remember important dates and anniversaries, use your smart phones to mark the dates on your calendar. You can pick fresh flowers and attempt to make a floral arrangement for her. You can take the initiative to make plans for a date. Not necessarily a fancy restaurant. A very good friend of mine arranged his room like a restaurant , menu and all and his girlfriend was thrilled that he made that great effort. Comment below if you want me to expand on low budget but meaningful dates. Remember to tell your woman that you like the way she did her hair, and that her make up enhances her model-like face. If you fail to do this, someone else will.

Secondly, women NEED to be listened to. When a woman talks to you, she is not asking for advice. She is not seeking a solution for her dilemma. She is not requesting your perspective of the situation. Most times we just want you to spend some time actively listening to what we perceive to be an issue. It may be trivial to you, you may be able to clearly see the answer to the problem, but I beg you, keep it to yourself. If we want your opinion, we will GIVE IT TO YOU. On the rare occasion that we ask for your opinion, we go with the alternative. For instance, if we ask your opinion on matching a pair of shoes with an outfit and you suggest the black shoes matches the black dress . I can assure you that we will be wearing the red shoes with a touch of red lipstick. We never ask a question without knowing the answer. I told you that we are amazing!

Ladies, I must admit that we oftentimes talk too much. I have a particular friend that does not like relax her tongue. She still expects to be listened to . A lot of partners expect the benefits of having a girlfriend without the duties that comes with it. If you neglect to listen to her, someone else will. Again, be reminded that she can easily find a replacement. There are exes waiting for her to realise that you are simple and without ambition and they will treat her better than you. There are best friends waiting for her to realise her worth and to give them a chance to exit the “friendzone”. I am not asking you to move mountains to make us happy, I am asking that you listen to us and show us affection. Am I right ladies?

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.Sydney is an attorney at law by profession in Trinidad and Tobago. She specializes in AML/CFT/FIU  Compliance, Taxation and provides Corporate Secretarial Services. Kindly explore the website for her portfolio of companies: http://asydneygroup.com .